August 26, 2003

Dear Jack,

Now that your eviction appears imminent I am sure you will have some regrets about how you played the game. I'm here to tell you, sir, you should have NO REGRETS! You played a respectable, honorable game and I am very proud of you. Never for a minute believe anything less. Sincerely. I mean that. Without a doubt. 

Nevertheless, at night as you lie awake wondering how things might have gone differently, don't ever let yourself think that:

  • I'm sorry you didn't win more competitions. On the contrary, I wish you could have stayed to lose many more.
  • I'm sorry you were unable to force Jee to use the Power of Veto by squeezing the life from his little body.
  • I'm sorry I picked FBIGUY.COM instead of JEE-GUY.COM for a URL. (Is it too late to get JEE-GUY.COM?) 

But as it is, you're not yet quite gone. There is still some small tidbit of hope remaining in me as my FBIGUY.COM world crashes down around me. Sometimes as I lie awake at night, I wonder:

  • Are you sure they can't let you back into the house armed? 
  • Perhaps you could start a spinoff show or something. (My idea for a TV show: FBI Guy goes mental on the houseguests with a bullwhip and a taser).
  • Was it really so unthinkable when Julie asked you if you wanted to win the veto to just say, "Hell yes Julie, I want the power of veto. Let those bastards eat PB & J for the remainder of the show!" YOU COULD HAVE SAVED YOURSELF! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED FBIGUY.COM FROM RUIN!!  AAHHH! At the very least you could have  left a curse on them for the rest of their days. YOU COULD HAVE SMOTE THEM LIKE THE WRATH OF GOD! WHY DIDN'T YOU!!? AAHH! AAAHHHHHH!!1 

No, Jack. I am not thinking any of those things. You can, however, let yourself safely believe that:

  • I am sorry to see you go. 
  • Your kind nature, sense of humor, and cute fruit-hatted head will be sorely missed. 
  • This website will be meaningless without you. 

xoxo,
Netbiscuit

 

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